Day 68 | fyreyvixxxen's Blog

Here I am... still counting the days...

I sent my Batman a very sexy email... to which he never responded. That kind of hurt... I mean, even a one word comment would have been an acknowledgement, but I wonder if he ever even read it. Of course, there's the possibility that he hasn't even read it... but along with that is my fear that I am not important enough to rate attention when my name appears in his inbox. So... there's that.

I hadn't heard from him in over 24 hours... nothing surprising. I mean, he's been working pretty hard (he says) and he's getting ready to leave (probably already left) for an extended period of time for work (maybe code for Thanksgiving with family back home?). But I have been determined to let him contact me and to leave him alone otherwise. I know that's petty... but he had a chance to see me and elected not to because I was sick and he couldn't "risk getting sick when so much is riding on (his) health right now." He's that type of person... work is uber important and I respect the hell out of that (really... I really, really do), but at the same time, he must not have wanted to see me all that bad... and he hasn't even asked how I'm feeling... so all I can gather from that is that he doesn't care. Which I can deal with without getting ugly about it... even though it hurts... a lot.

So this morning... I wake to a text that was sent at 12:44am: "I really hate not seeing you. Are we okay?"

I said the only thing that I could with all of this business swirling around in my brain: "I hate not seeing you too. And I have been wondering that myself lately."

No response. But I'm not really surprised. If he really is working, then his brain is busy with that and I have it in me to be patient and wait until he returns to hash all of this out. I will never come first... I don't mind taking a back seat to his career... I just don't like that I can't trust that it's work I'm being patient for. I don't have the energy anymore to second guess his every move... I don't fully trust him, but I can't keep thinking about what he's really doing.

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Previous Posts
Day 81, posted November 29th, 2012
Holidays, posted November 18th, 2012
Day 68, posted November 16th, 2012
Restless, posted November 12th, 2012
A Night In, posted November 10th, 2012
Back to Good, posted November 9th, 2012
Mine, posted November 9th, 2012
Judgement, posted November 8th, 2012
Lonely or just alone?, posted November 8th, 2012
So not feeling it today..., posted November 7th, 2012
Haunted House, posted November 6th, 2012
Focus, Dearheart..., posted November 6th, 2012
All Quiet in the Batcave, posted November 5th, 2012
Say What You Will..., posted November 2nd, 2012
Silence, posted November 1st, 2012
What made you think that was okay?, posted October 31st, 2012
Rejection Fiesta, posted October 30th, 2012
Sometimes They Come Back, posted October 30th, 2012
The Sweet Green Grass, posted October 29th, 2012
Day 50, posted October 29th, 2012
Breaking it down, posted October 27th, 2012
Day 47, posted October 26th, 2012

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